Many families have Christmas
traditions. Some families open
presents on Christmas Eve. Some
wait until morning. At our house,
we’d wait. See, Santa always made
late-night special deliveries.
We'd awaken to open treasures unseen before Christmas morn…
But on Christmas Eve, my parents
would allow my sisters and me to open one present. Just one. It
was the best part of the night!
After delicious dinner and before boring church. Of course I'd have already picked out
the "best" present to unwrap HOURS before.
I'd use a very scientific
method: The one that felt the
heaviest.
One year a large box mysteriously
appeared early in the evening. It
surprised me. I’d only taken my
eyes off the Christmas tree when I closed them to sleep! Suddenly, there it was! Beaming beneath the lighted tree. I just needed to feel it without my
parents seeing me…
So just as the Aunts and Uncles
arrived in their church clothes, holding their polite gifts…
...I picked up the box and shook
it!
THUMP! THUMP!! THUMP!!!
:::GASP:::
It’s to me, from my parents…
IT’S GOT TO BE THAT VIDEO GAME
CONSOLE!
I immediately shoved the present
back under the tree… just in time to greet the arriving family members.
Don’t look suspicious.
Just act normal. Just be
cool. Calm. Collected.
Casual.
That seemed impossible now.
I didn't even hear what Aunt
Barbara and Uncle Jay said as they squeezed the Merry Christmas out of me. I'm quite sure it had something to do
with how handsome I was/How much I'd grown since the last time they saw me/How
they remembered when I... blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!
I didn't care.
All I could think about was that present!
Then Grandma and Grandpa arrived,
and the whole ritual repeated all over again.
"Look how handsome you
are/How much you've grown/I remember when you..."
This was torture!
And just when I thought Greetings
of Yuletide Cheer were complete, my Oma and Opa opened the door, and we were
back on the “Merry Christmas”-Go-Round!
Kisses. Hugs. Kisses. Hugs. Spin. Repeat.
It would be another 53 minutes
and 13 seconds before I FINALLY got to hug the only thing I really cared about…
MY PRECIOUS!
Dinner was a blur. I was completely obsessed with opening
that present. I think somebody
said grace. I pretend prayed. Eyes closed as cover.
Why should I pray?
MY prayers had already been answered!
Obviously, I ate all my
vegetables. My parents didn't even
have to ask! ANYTHING to please
them. They were saints! I said, "Please," and
"Thank you,” and finished my
whole plate. We were all going to
church at midnight, and no one wanted to get too full and fall asleep. I couldn’t fall asleep even if I wanted to! I waited patiently to be excused. I couldn’t sit still.
I was anxious. I was antsy. I WAS AMPED!!
MY TREASURE!
I just wanted to rip into that
present right then and there, skip church, and play with my game all
night! Until the sun came up! Me and Santa, battling head-to-head! Mom serving us muffins in the
morning...
BEST. CHRISTMAS.
EVER.
And maybe it was. After all, I still have what I got from
my parents that night. And I still
use it all the time…
But it’s not the video game
console. It wasn’t even a game.
When I finally tore into that
present, I was crestfallen. My
heart sank. I thought my parents
had tricked me. They started
laughing at me! I could feel the
blood rushing to my ears… then the big, wet tears…
THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED? I HATE THIS!
Later, as I sat in that painful
pew at Midnight Mass, I prayed that tomorrow would FINALLY be the day for me…
Prayed for Santa’s Late-Night
Special Delivery Service to come through…
Prayed to TRANSFORM THAT DUMB OL’
DICTIONARY I had opened into…
MY INCREDIBLY VICIOUS VIDEO GAME!!
Please, God?
PLEASE!? PLEASE!!
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz... I prayed so hard
I finally fell asleep on my mother's shoulder. My sleepy saliva, like translucent tinsel decorating our
Christmas sweaters….
In the end, I had no need to ask
for God’s help. I was lucky enough
to be born with wonderful parents who spoiled me on Christmas.
I got it.
But ask me if I still have that
AWESOME-MOST-INCREDIBLY-VICIOUS VIDEO GAME…
Nope. I outgrew it by the 9th grade. Sold it at a yard sale with some stuffed animals...
But that Dumb Ol' Dictionary
helped me all through middle school.
All through high school. All
through college.
All through graduate school…
And I couldn't have made it (or
this) without it!
